When Someone You Love is Struggling

There are many difficult moments in life, but one of the hardest is watching someone you love struggle and not knowing where to begin. When someone you love is struggling, especially with their own mental health, you feel completely helpless. There are days where helping them feels like your responsibility—like you need to hold everything together. But when dealing with those with mental health, each day is inconsistent and unplanned. This leads to days of feeling burnout, and you want to give up. Some days you see progress and feel hopeful. Other days, there are setbacks, and suddenly you feel angry, frustrated, exhausted, or disappointed all over again. You want to blame someone, but who? Sometimes it feels like there are so many places to direct the anger—and at the same time, nowhere to place it at all. It is a day-by-day task – what can I do today to help?

Even if you want to help, sometimes you need to stop. You need to take a break for yourself and pull yourself out of it. This may seem impossible and others may make you feel like you must stay part of it for one reason or another. You would think being a therapist would make situations like this easier for me, but honestly, I think it can make them more complicated at times. It becomes a constant effort to maintain boundaries and remind myself that in this situation, I am family—not the therapist. It is being a person with all this knowledge of the situation but also being so intertwined because it is a family member. I’ve learned that medical and mental health professionals often turn to the family members who understand the situation best, but that can place even more emotional weight on your shoulders. It is learning where the boundaries need to be put up and when I can pull myself away from the situation and focus on my own health.

I would love to confidently say that I am good at this but even as a professional I am not. My love for my family often leads me to get too involved and causes me to lose myself in the chaos. Now, I’m learning how to set boundaries and recognize my own needs within the chaos. It is not easy, but it is necessary.

If you are also navigating a loved one’s mental health struggles—or supporting someone through another difficult season—I’m thinking of you.

I know it can feel overwhelming and exhausting. But storms do not last forever.

Please remember to care for yourself too. You cannot continue pouring into others while completely emptying yourself.

Your needs matter too.