When Healing Does Not Have Answers

There are moments in life when everything changes quickly—and without explanation.

There are moments in life when everything changes quickly—and without explanation.
Last year, I went to a work conference expecting it to be just another normal day, but by the next morning, something felt wrong. Over the weekend and into that following Monday, the leg began to swell more, turned red, and became warm to the touch. All signs pointing to possible infection, injury or something more. Given my history of hip and back concerns, pain wasn’t unfamiliar—but this felt different. And it didn’t make the experience any easier. Monday night I was sitting in the hospital ER awaiting results.

What followed was a long and uncertain journey.

Hospital stays.
Endless appointments.
Tests without answers.
Medications that didn’t seem to help.

For weeks, and then months, I lived in a space of not knowing. My body was changing in ways I couldn’t understand, and even with medical support, there were still more questions than answers. It began to feel like I was a medical mystery—and there was nothing comforting about that.

I knew I had the support of friends, family, and colleagues—but I still felt deeply alone and isolated in it. It was a difficult situation that no one fully understood or could fix. I also had to continue my daily tasks – work and being a mom.

I moved from crutches… to a wheelchair.
From hoping it would improve… to realizing something deeper was happening.

Eventually, I was referred to the Mayo Clinic. I’m deeply grateful for the medical team who recognized the seriousness of this and worked to get me referred.. After months of waiting, more appointments, and continued uncertainty, I underwent a complex knee replacement.

Even now, there are still unknowns. Doctors believe there may have been an infection that went unnoticed due to lack of sensation—but there are still pieces of the story that don’t fully make sense.

And that’s something I’ve had to learn to sit with.

Because healing doesn’t always come with clear answers.

Sometimes healing looks like:
trusting your body even when you don’t understand it,
continuing forward even when the path feels unclear,
allowing yourself to grieve what was lost,
and learning to find gratitude in the middle of uncertainty.

Today, I am just days into a new phase of healing.

And what I feel most isn’t just relief—it’s gratitude.

For the people who showed up.
For the support I didn’t have to ask for twice.
For the reminders that I wasn’t alone, even in the hardest moments.

This experience has deepened something I already believed, both personally and as a therapist:

Healing is not always linear.
And it is not always logical.

But it is still possible.

And sometimes, it begins in the moments where we have no answers at all. If you’re in a season where things don’t make sense yet—you’re not alone.

Knee Surgery 2026