The Grief of Being Told “Never Again”

At a recent medical appointment for my healing knee, I was asked by three separate staff members if there was any chance I could be pregnant.

Each time, I answered, “No.”

And each “No” hurt a little deeper.

As a child, I always dreamed of being a mother. I pretended to care for baby dolls, took child development classes in high school, and as I grew older, that dream never changed.

When I met the man who would one day become my husband, we talked often about children. We imagined what life would look like with a few kids running around our home.

Then, in 2023, I became pregnant—and that dream became a reality.

My pregnancy with my son was medically complicated and eventually became life-threatening toward the end. He was born 11 weeks early, and both of us spent months healing afterward.

During his birth, I underwent an extensive surgery and was later told that another pregnancy would likely put my life at risk.

In a matter of months, I went from becoming a mother to grieving the reality that I would likely never experience pregnancy again.

At the time, I don’t think the weight of that statement fully settled in. My body was still in survival mode, focused on healing and worrying about both my well-being and my son’s.

But as time passed and we both slowly improved, the reality of those words began to settle deeper within me.

The dream of having multiple children disappeared.
The thought of giving my son siblings vanished.
And in many ways, I felt like I had lost a part of my identity as a woman.

So I buried those thoughts quietly within myself.

As time went on, I focused on my son and the joy I felt in being his mother. But grief has a way of resurfacing in unexpected moments.

I began seeing pregnancy announcements, friends welcoming second children, and siblings playing together at my son’s daycare.

Each moment became a quiet reminder of something I could no longer have.

And almost three years after my son’s birth, that grief still appears unexpectedly.

People often say that time heals all wounds.

But I don’t think that is always true.

Sometimes time softens the pain.
Sometimes it teaches us how to carry it more gently.
But some grief never fully disappears.

Some grief doesn’t leave us.
Sometimes we simply learn how to carry it differently.

Mom and Son 2026